thoughts of the conscious and the subconscious mind
Nice poem. Most of your poems based on pensive thoughts are excellent. I like the rhyming in the poem as well. keep writing Miss Poetess !
Priye Adie... tumhare is vichaar-poorn comment ke liye bahut bahut dhanyawaad. Asha hai ki aage bhi main aisi 'pensive' kavitaye hi likha karungi ...Prem Sahit, Miss Poetess!
par kuch bhi apna nahi lagtaummedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayiswapn nagri ke saare raasteajnabi se ho gaye:) So Rhyme is broken at the end: easily fixed by saying:par kuch bhi apna nahi lagtaummedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayiswapn nagri ke har ek gullyajnabi si ho gayifirst half is full of nice rhymes, has a ring to it:)likhti rahiye, baar baar, lagaataar!
Nice catch Vivek. For some reason I thought that only the middle section of the poem rhymed and not the first one. Keeping this (false observation) in mind, I intentionally made the last section not-rhym.Someday, I will revise and rewrite :)
ham to kuch kehne ke bhi kaabil nahi - bas halka halka samajh aata hai n jitna samajh aata hai, bas yahi keh sakte hain ki bada hi umda likha hai :)likhti rahiye..
Good one! As I read it, I somehow found the poem's brooding mood to resonate with today's (meaning 15 Nov, Atlanta) gloomy weather. Btw, mujhe last a broken rhyme accha laga. I think it accentuates the feeling of "brokenness" in the line "...ummeedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi..."
good one...never imagined you'll be able to write such good hindi... i cant write that well staying here..kuddos
@PrasoonShukriya Phool :)@Anirudhhamujhe last a broken rhyme accha laga. I think it accentuates the feeling of "brokenness" in the line "...ummeedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi..."Although that brake was intentional, I had not thought about it this way. I like your observation and discovery. Thank you GuruJi!@AnubhavUnless my memory fails me, I think you had a pretty good command over the English language. I won't be surprized if I come across a scholarly piece of writing in English written by Mr A. Acharya
hey yaar ...dats too gud....ekdum dilse hai...
:) Thanks Golu di... aapko pasand aayi, bas dil khush ho gaya.
main aapko aapke dost adie ki wajah se janta hoon.. maine kawita ke lafzon par jada gaur nahi kiya par aapka kawita kehna ka andaaj kafi pasand aaya ..aur khaskar aapki aawaj..
manish.sultania,umm... thanks!Geetali.
nice work..
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Nice poem. Most of your poems based on pensive thoughts are excellent. I like the rhyming in the poem as well. keep writing Miss Poetess !
Priye Adie... tumhare is vichaar-poorn comment ke liye bahut bahut dhanyawaad. Asha hai ki aage bhi main aisi 'pensive' kavitaye hi likha karungi ...Prem Sahit, Miss Poetess!
par kuch bhi apna nahi lagta
ummedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi
swapn nagri ke saare raaste
ajnabi se ho gaye
:) So Rhyme is broken at the end: easily fixed by saying:
par kuch bhi apna nahi lagta
ummedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi
swapn nagri ke har ek gully
ajnabi si ho gayi
first half is full of nice rhymes, has a ring to it:)
likhti rahiye, baar baar, lagaataar!
Nice catch Vivek. For some reason I thought that only the middle section of the poem rhymed and not the first one. Keeping this (false observation) in mind, I intentionally made the last section not-rhym.
Someday, I will revise and rewrite :)
ham to kuch kehne ke bhi kaabil nahi - bas halka halka samajh aata hai n jitna samajh aata hai, bas yahi keh sakte hain ki bada hi umda likha hai :)
likhti rahiye..
Good one! As I read it, I somehow found the poem's brooding mood to resonate with today's (meaning 15 Nov, Atlanta) gloomy weather. Btw, mujhe last a broken rhyme accha laga. I think it accentuates the feeling of "brokenness" in the line "...ummeedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi..."
good one...never imagined you'll be able to write such good hindi... i cant write that well staying here..kuddos
@Prasoon
Shukriya Phool :)
@Anirudhha
mujhe last a broken rhyme accha laga. I think it accentuates the feeling of "brokenness" in the line "...ummeedo ki bediya berahami se toot gayi..."
Although that brake was intentional, I had not thought about it this way. I like your observation and discovery. Thank you GuruJi!
@Anubhav
Unless my memory fails me, I think you had a pretty good command over the English language. I won't be surprized if I come across a scholarly piece of writing in English written by Mr A. Acharya
hey yaar ...dats too gud....ekdum dilse hai...
:) Thanks Golu di... aapko pasand aayi, bas dil khush ho gaya.
main aapko aapke dost adie ki wajah se janta hoon.. maine kawita ke lafzon par jada gaur nahi kiya par aapka kawita kehna ka andaaj kafi pasand aaya ..aur khaskar aapki aawaj..
manish.sultania,
umm... thanks!
Geetali.
nice work..
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